As a self-appointed mage of the Highest Order, I like to consider myself an excellent reader of men’s character. (I intentionally exclude women from that statement, for there is no son of Mars who was born that can comprehend the infinite nebulous that is contained within every daughter of Venus). I submit to you as a reader of men, I have recently had occasion to sit in parlay with the conductor of the avatar known as Basoosh of the Order of the Skull (O^S). During this encounter I have received a warning that I am compelled to convey what I consider a very real and most absolute peril which you all face. I learned many things about Basoosh which were most intriguing, namely the fact that she is actually bound in servitude to some fictitious man named David Hassellhoff. Now before your debased minds embark on a sordid fantasy of some sexcapade, Basoosh did not provide any details into the precise nature of this indentured relation other than she is bound to manage Mr. Hassellhoff’s vendors. Beyond that, Basoosh assured me that she is free to wander the land and pursue any desire of her heart. Now the topic of most import that was revealed to me during this candid conference is that Basoosh believes there is a peril that threatens every single Sosarian. This threat’s name she confirmed is Roberto Von Bovine. It appears that when Basoosh is not tending to her duties as slave to David Hasselhoff, she is almost always engaged in a small resistance against the evil herd! Some have dismissed Basoosh’s prophecies as delusional proclamations, while others have construed that perhaps there is some manner of collusion; but I tell you this, I have reason to join Basoosh’s anxiety for the safety of Sosarian’s everywhere. When asked if she sees any chance for peace, she stated only that we should increase our “cow-chow” or learn to kowtow.
A bovine horde approaching the borders of Stormhold!? *Looks concerned* I must rally the militia at once!
