Inquiry

Discussion in 'Adventure Time [A^T]' started by chumbucket, Nov 16, 2013.

  1. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    As chosen defense counsel for the accused Bartimus, I would like to formally ask for a number of clarifications so that I may properly prepare a defense:

    1. What are the exact charges against my client? What rules is accused of breaking? What specific incidents allegedly happened such that he broke those rules?

    2. What evidence is he, and me as his counsel, entitled to see before trial? Customarily, the defense is granted access to evidence so as to be able to prepare a defense.

    3. I understand there is to be a judge, jury, and prosecution. What is the specific role of each? In particular:

    a. How will the jury be selected?

    b. How will they be instructed to decide the case? In particular, what level of evidence must the prosecution reach in order for a juror to vote guilty? Beyond a reasonable doubt, by a preponderance of the evidence?

    c. How many jurors must vote guilty in order for the verdict to be guilty? All of them? Half? 2/3?

    If it pleases the court, I move that these questions be publicly answered at least one week before the trial commences.

    Sincerely,
    chumbucket, esq.
    chumbucket and Associates [cA]
  2. Gideon Jura

    Gideon Jura Well-Known Member
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  3. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    Hence, the critical need for my inquiries concerning the nature of the upcoming proceedings.
  4. Gideon Jura

    Gideon Jura Well-Known Member
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  5. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    I understood your point, but I dared not impugn the integrity of the court, as you have, by agreeing to the proposition that it is without order and principle.
  6. Mes

    Mes Well-Known Member

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    Gideon is saying you referred to yourself a lawyer but it's not apparent what qualifies you as one in this realm
  7. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    I took him to be saying there were no principles of law on which to conduct a trial! Alas, my legal training is the same as the former defense counsel, prosecution and judge. But I believe that will suffice.
  8. Wise

    Wise Well-Known Member
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    No such customs exist in the land of OoO. The accused knows his crime and should prepare himself and his council accordingly.

    However, as a show of good faith I will reveal that the prosecution will call upon some respectable members of our fair community to depone in front of the King as to their witnessing and even worse, experiencing of the horrors committed.
  9. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    With all due respect, I believe only the leadership of A^T can decide these matters.
  10. Wise

    Wise Well-Known Member
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    Correct. Which is why I was merely pointing out that our customs are not the same. If you want to convince the King of anything, why not try begging, I hear the law firm of cA is quite experienced in such practices. Why not stick to what works best; I R NEW PLEA BARGAIN PLZ.
  11. bart simpson

    bart simpson Well-Known Member
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    What are the exact charges that I am facing? It is unknown to me what you are charging me with because I have not been told. As the prosecutor this is your job...
  12. Wise

    Wise Well-Known Member
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    I cannot speak for the King. Perhaps, I have already said too much.
  13. Blaise

    Blaise Well-Known Member
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    Have you ever seen, or read, Alice in Wonderland?

    It's gonna be something like that....
  14. Soear

    Soear Well-Known Member

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    I think that the order in which these happen should be established too.
  15. Dalavar

    Dalavar Well-Known Member
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    I nominate myself as juror number 4. Taking offers on a book deal after the trial.
  16. Avery

    Avery Well-Known Member
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    OFF WITH YOUR HEADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    bart simpson likes this.
  17. Blaise

    Blaise Well-Known Member
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    If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
  18. HateCrime

    HateCrime Well-Known Member
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    Noted
  19. chumbucket

    chumbucket Well-Known Member

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    Whereas it has been stated by Blaise and other A^T leadership that:

    1. Bartimus will not receive a fair trial,

    2. The rules of what "trial" that does occur will change on the whims of the guild leadership while the "trial" occurs so as to secure a conviction,

    3. The aim of the trial is merely to "roleplay" out a predetermined verdict,

    4. The extremely compelling case for Bartimus' lack of guilt will not be fairly heard or considered,

    5. Bartimus is to be found guilty and have his guild membership permanently revoked regardless of what he can demonstrate,

    I must regretfully remove myself from the case. I cannot be a part of A^T in-guild drama and the removal of a member without the showing--and not even, as I would demonstrate in trial if allowed, the existence--of due cause. I was under the impression that the trial was to be conducted with the normal aims of such a procedure, viz., to determine guilt or innocence in a public, open, and fair manner.

    Bartimus has accidentally stepped on the feelings of various A^T members and friends of said members. He has done this in a way that absolves him of any rulebreaking and, even more certainly, of any malicious intent. He has sought to make amends with these members and their friends but to no avail. All of his activities have been explicitly approved of by leadership in the guild, and this latter fact has been so since the very founding of the guild. Other guild members continue to partake of the very same sorts of activities. Bartimus is able to demonstrate all of these claims conclusively. Alas, he will never get a chance to do so.

    I must say though that Bartimus has no genuine cause for complaint in all of this since, like most guilds, to remain in this guild you must remain in the good graces of its more influential members and that you may fall out of said graces for reasons beyond your control. This guild, like many, is purely the property of a select few. I know that this is certainly the way I run my own guild, [cA], and A^T is run no differently, and probably most guilds are the same. There is a very good case to be made that Bartimus was well within guild norms and rules in all of his behavior, but the guild will not be allowed to hear his side of the story as the leadership is within their rights to prevent that and no one has any legitimate cause of complaint in this.
  20. Jupiter

    Jupiter Well-Known Member

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    Ummm wow. That was refreshingly articulate. coming from the persona of "chumbucket" that created the phrase "I R NEW GLD PLZ", I was expecting this post to read a lot differently. This has to be one of my favorite "toilet read" posts of all time. (did I just admit to reading on the throne?")

    Chum, will you draft Jupiter's living will?

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