One day, a month or so ago, a week or so after I had come back to the shard after a two-year break, I happened upon a pair of adventurers in the wilderness. They initially ran from me, though why I know not. but after they checked my paperdoll, they stood their ground. And then one of them said what struck me as one of the most daft comments ever uttered: "Illustrious. He's cool." Now since that time, I have advanced to the karmically august state of a Glorious Lord. So what sort of beneficence am I capable of now? What sort of gifts would one of my karma and character bestow upon those new to this realm? And so, without giving away the plot in the introduction, I humbly submit to the shard community this piece of satire. My post shall take the form of a somewhat tongue-in-cheek Public Service Announcement... [Disclaimer: No actual n00bs were griefed or harmed in the production of this work. All of the griefing and murdering was consensual and self-referential, as the griefed players were Alts constructed for the purpose of this piece. I should also hope that most of you know that I spell a great deal better than does the character I play in this skit, as well as that Balgami would never stand by and watch a newbie get scammed without seeking to butcher the scammer and bring justice to the griefed character. And those of you who know me know that this is, most definitely, not my playstyle. It is all in good fun, mates. I hope you enjoy it.] [Credit: My thanks go out to Balgami, who made a particularly delicate and dangerous scene in this skit possible. There are not many people I would have trusted to help me carry it out.] ACT I Our scene opens as A New Player enjoying a bit of surfcasting. As he casts, he dreams of what he hopes to accomplish, on this, his first day on the shard. But wait... He has some sudden company! One Earth hour or twelve Britannian hours later... ACT II Another New Player has purchased his first house and desires nothing more than to invite the most eminent and honourable citizens of the realm to share his table. He shall get his wish... But what sort of housewarming gift will this karmic wonder of a Glorious Lord bring? ACT III Yet another New Player has run across an oddity in the wilderness. A statue that appears to be both of this realm and of another... Yet there is danger here! A vile murderer! Truly, a man who not only has "wretched" karma, but is also a murderer can be nothing but a horror for our poor protagonist, no? If only there were a Glorious, karmically gifted player to save him... But the wretched murderer Balgami surprises our protagonist by presenting him with a gift! No doubt this is some evil ruse. After all, his karma betrays him! Either the gift must be worthless, or it is some sort of more dastardly plot. Either way, the reader should take comfort in the fact that help is not far off. The Glorious Lord Cullinarn shall soon arrive to aid our protagonist against the evil tricks of the murderer... Surely the Glorious Lord Cullinarn -- a character of most wondrous karma -- will aid our protagonist, A New Player, in determining the fair value of the item he was given by the vile and wretched murderer Balgami... Having been fortunate enough to barely escape the web of lies spun by the vile and wretched muderer Balgami, our protagonist has entrusted himself to the guidance and tender mercies of the Glorious Lord Cullinarn. But wait... Disaster! The Glorious Lord Cullinarn has lost his Glorious Title somehow! What karmic trick is this? He is now only an Illustrious Lord! How will anyone ever trust him now? What arduous and lengthy task shall our antagonist undertake to wipe the stain of so many sins off of his soul? How many hours -- nay, days! -- shall it take to cleanse so many murders and scams and thefts from his record, that he might once again be a paragon of karma and virtue? ACT IV The downcast, Illustrious Lord Cullinarn sets his shoulder to the arduous and lengthy task of restoring his good name. Truly this shall be well-nigh an impossible feat... Five minutes later...
Even though this was a dramatization, if anyone here remembers felucca on osi, these type of interactions were very commonplace!
They definitely were. I think that I am more disturbed when I run across it now though, as, hopefully, we have all had time to grow up and no longer behave as we did when we were teenagers. At least our typing should have improved, eh? Glad you enjoyed the story, mate!
I'll give you 20 gold for that statue you only paid 10 for, even though you only think it's worth 5 gold!
That gud deel, Ev3rl4st! U help me out lodz cause I R n00b? Heh. I think I might have to pass, mate. Full story on that: I chose it from the rewards table after NoH. I get a kick out of healing in a group, and it turns out there was a category for it with its own reward in the event. I'm rather fond of the thing, so that's why I picked harambe/Balgami to help me shoot the skit. I needed a negative-karma character whom I could trust. I also would have trusted Pockets, but harambe's schedule fit better.
