So peep this my guys, it's 11:44 in the evening, I got the jacuzzi bath running and a honey coming over in a bit. I step out my crib to catch a smoke as my landlady doesn't fuck with the smell of nightshade burning as she says it makes the carpet stank. I'm half way through my 'shade blunt and I hear this noise right, it's like a distant "POWWWWW" noise right? And it's getting closer...I'm surveying left and right and I ain't seeing shit, this noise getting louder but now it's like "ERRRRRRRRRR" but I still ain't seeing shit, I look to the skies and see this ball of flames but with neon green bits too, My guys I gotta stop messin' with the 'shade right? Anyway, this ball of fire and neon green is getting closer, man had to move his lawn furniture LIVE O, my rental deposit didn't have no meteor clause, so I'm dragging this shit out the way and now the noise be like "ISSSSSSSSS YOOOOOUUURRSSS" and then POW this big ass explosion, ya boy 'Snot goes flyin' right? Man got dasssshed fam, I land in my stack of vintage playboy magazines, I'm raggo, my 1994 pristine Pamela Anderson with Dan Ackroyd on the cover as a cone head is crumpled under my fine ass. Man is vexxed, I get up and see this smouldering pile of wood, these little fires and a green neon haired naked guy with these red boots and gloves laying on the ground out COLDDDD. Now, ya boy 'Snots no pum, but I ain't fucking with some naked guy wearing red boots and gloves that just came flying out the sky, I'm still vexxed about my 94 playboy getting crumpled so I grab my blade and I go to finish off this primo cornball before he comes too, my security deposit is for sure questionable now. First Im'a check this herbs backpack, I'm cashing out, figure this sucka owes me some gold, I reach into this guys pack ..... *WAAH PISSSHH* this red gloved mit grabs my arm right? Not gonna lie, I was shook homies, then this head of long green locks and beard looks into my eyes says "....Dope hair planeteer...." and passes out. I reach in his pack because as well as plannin' on takin this busters gold I'm also tryna see if this green goofball got any more of whatever he was blazin because I'm about that hype ya feel? Guys got ID, state of Florida, his names Planet, Captain Planet, he's also carrying a journal. This is his last entry. Day 1336. I'm done with this world, these people sicken me, they don't care about the planet and I no longer care for them, fuck them all. Roseanne is on TV again, the episode where she shows her titties to her prudish neighbour. My multi dimensional time travelling boots are finished, maybe if I go back to the 70's or something I can get to the root of the issue before it's too late. Maybe I've been doing it wrong this whole time, maybe humans can't be saved, maybe it's the planet I need to save from the humans themselves....fuck it, who gives a shit, oh no way George Clooney is in Roseanne, this is wild, anyway whatever, time for another drink, also note to self, shave, you look like shit, don't forget to take your rings off before you go to sleep, last night you fell asleep on your hand and woke up with a bunch of emojis imprinted in your face....god I love jaeger bombs so mucherahjaaaaasggee jaaaaeeegerrrrrRrrRrr END OF JOURNAL ENTRY. This shits wild my guys....I drag this guy to a spare room and figure I'll let him sober up right? So anyway, about 6 hours later I hear him come too in the room and go to see wagwan, Mans staggering everywhere, chattin' bout "WHERE ARE MY RINGS??" I'm like my guy, fuck yo rings, what you sayin bout the damage to my spot? Ya feel? Man was looking raggo as hell so I suggest we catch some air and cool down, he grabs a bottle of some primo Halloween liquor I'd been saving, some primo vintage shit I'd been Savin for a special occasion and steps outside with me. Man....I did DONE goofed lettin this sucka in my spot, this is some wild ass dude, we get outside and he starts laughing like a nut job, he points to the tree stumps and he's laughing, I'm like my guy what's the scoop right? He stops laughing, then he says "I know what I must do, I must save this planet from you puny humans, I will rid this land of the toxicity, I will find my rings and vengeance will be mine. The power is no longer yours, the power is mine" Then, and I'm ashamed to admit this, this naked ass green dude got the drop on ya boy, one swift cold clock to the chops had me dizzy and I hit the deck, I woke up a few minutes later, my front door open, a bunch of my shit scattered across the floor, some leather armour missing, a bunch of fencing weapons and 500 plat gone. I hear a noise outside, and run to the front of my crib, Captain Planet was out front, eyes glowing red and then like that.....homeboy bounced. If you see him around, watch yo back, this guy is insane, and if you find any of his rings....shit man...I'd leave em where you found em....he had murder in his eyes.
