The saltiest of saltiness

Discussion in 'The Salty Dog Tavern' started by Pharoah, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. Pharoah

    Pharoah Well-Known Member

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    This adventure of a lifetime starts off in the Humble small town of Skara Brae and ends only the gods know where o_O

    Ohhhh wella,, A few good decades or years ago lived an old fisherman by the name of Swabby McSalts. This burley cross eyed seaman lol'' who was the elder son of Salty and Saltilia McSalts was once a deckhand for the Infamous and highly feared Dread Pirate 'Captain Chi Chi 'Chupando' de la Cruz, who down south of the border was known as
    El mar apestoso de sal (The salty sea stinker) translated. This name was given to him by the villagers where he grew up because as a child he didn't like to take a bath and
    always had this pungent stench just rolling off of him. I believe the children used to have a nickname for him as well, I think if i remember correctly it was something to the effect of "Maldición apestas vete" or (Damn you stink go away)
    translated. Being picked on his whole childhood because he stunk so damned much, he grew up to be a murderous sea brigand who swore to plunder all the booty across all five of the known at the time Sosarian seas. How he started this vengeful adventure was he landed a job with a commercial shipping company that exported nightshade and spidersilk, not to mention desirable maidens who were skallywagged into marrying these limited sense whatchamacallits in the far east, Oh and also tossing its captain overboard and renaming the ship after his one and only girlfriend he once had because her nose didn't work, The glorious ship was then christened 'The nagging Wench!'
    The reason the maidens were hard to find in the far east is that the males in this area were ugly as a mongbats poop shoot, And believed to be caused by selective breeding practices. *a tale once told of two cousins shipwrecked on an island off the coast of Magincia and their undying willingness to carry on the family name*. As time passed and this was only but to some an exaggerated story told by some drunk deckhand for spare change, so he can buy his rotgut brigandbrand whiskey rumored to be made from the saliva of dead pixies and droppings of enchanted jackalopes,,Anyway *hmmm* Ahh! The so called fabled tale after few witnesses traveled there said, For this tale told tis to be true! Those guys over east are so ugly your eyes begin to tear up like a onion dicers at a haggis mill!
    Now where Swabby Salts comes into play here i have no clue! Due to the fact that it took an act of Poseidon for me to get this far!
    Now lets see here, where was i going with this
    *thinks*
    Oh yeah!
    *shakes numbness from scripting hand* By the time these so called desirable maidens arrived , not to mention after what they went through on that ship *would rather not say* these said desirable maidens were more than willing to marry these uglier than a flying monkeys *or was it a mongbats? furry patoot look alikes just to get away from them no tooth havin seadog smellin barnacle bangers on that pirate ship they were enslaved within the guts of for the past 3 months.

    'FIN'
    Thank you! This was written out of drunken stupor and desperation by Pharoah WTF productions inc.

    Thank you all, I hope you guys enjoy my first crack at a short adventurous story here in the Salty dogs story place of stories and stuff.:)

    No characters pets wenches or maidens were harmed in this adventurous tale of the seas!
    And no Pharoah wasn't inebriated either!
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2019
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  2. Zandak

    Zandak Active Member
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    Haha good read!
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  3. Bayara

    Bayara Well-Known Member

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    ::bangs her head deliberately into one of the tavern's support beams::

    OH! I'm sorry... I thought this story was going to go somewhere!!?

    no. I kid. Sort of... I did enjoy the part where you called people names.
    ::thinks back a few moments:: barnacle bangers... HAHAHA I do like that...
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  4. Pharoah

    Pharoah Well-Known Member

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    was meant to be as a pun, that wasnt a story at all just some discombobulated shit i threw together as a joke.
    Thanks though lol, It didnt look to bad coming out of the com crystals until the end where it said "This was written bla bla" wow that was just salty for real lol.
  5. JohnM

    JohnM Well-Known Member
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    I was going to stop reading at the first period, but could not find it.
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  6. Pharoah

    Pharoah Well-Known Member

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    I was considering to tell a story about a preacher that went incognito to a church dressed as a transient but already realized after the first few lines into reading that these people aren't ready yet to hear it. And worry would not be able to fathom much less learn from it.
    Carry on.:cool:
  7. Bayara

    Bayara Well-Known Member

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    telling a story is one thing...
    but please don't expect me to learn anything!
  8. Pharoah

    Pharoah Well-Known Member

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    :rolleyes:

    What makes you sure this was directly aimed at you? Does one truly believe they are either that singled out above any others here or special for that matter? Or could you have possibly meant to be rude in your post of which I didn't sense?:D only a little sarcasm of why I explained it was written this way as a stupid joke? who the fuck else thinks of names like that and throws them in a story and would be serious about it? Besides me! Wow, The density here is as thick as Jupiter's atmosphere. Or my abs.
    If I'm not making reference to a post that is right above mine? I have no quarrel quoting or using one's name to make sure they know I am speaking to them. I don't play Keyboard cowboys or Gestapo BTKB lady! Cause I am Thee cowboy! :)

    Have a nice... Whatever you do! grumbles
    I hope the 'punctuation' is correct or proper enough. lmao

    o_O
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2019
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  9. Bayara

    Bayara Well-Known Member

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    ::without breaking her blank stare::
    just taking a jab at myself, actually.
    insinuating that I am too thick headed to learn anything.
    ::facial features soften as a tight-lipped smirk forms::
    which... isn't exactly true, but playing stupid has advantages.

    it's okay though...
    we can chalk it up to density!
    I trust, as head cowboy here, you'll take full blame?
    ::her smirk drops off and is replaced by a toothy grin::

    robbery, murder, extortion and kidnapping.
    ::looks to a few of her fellow goons off in the corner::
    did I miss anything?
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  10. Pharoah

    Pharoah Well-Known Member

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    My kind of broad!

    Keep up the good Brigandry!
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