Real life devorce.

Discussion in 'The Salty Dog Tavern' started by Labeler, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Labeler

    Labeler Member

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    hi all,
    im a young dad of 2 children (4 and 6), brand new house constructed and all and im going trough a divorce as of Saturday 8 october.
    how can life be so unfair, after so many efforts, investments and good will to make things to a good result.

    i always told my wife, "the 2d last thing i want to experience is being apart from you". many times have i told her how much i loved her, what she means to me and my existence on this planet. i feel so broken and lonely, even though i must be strong for the kids and still get along with her for the good of the kids. they are the only thing left in my life.

    how does a person go through this, day to day, week after week.... sometimes i wished id go to sleep and never woke up.

    hope god hears my prayers cause i need his support now.

    love everything and everyone in your surroundings. act like you could loose it every day by cherishing & giving it all you got. i woulldnt wish this to my worst enemy. its too damn painfull.

    peace out.
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  2. Artex

    Artex Well-Known Member
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    I haven't gone through this... yet. Anyways I understand how loving someone deeply and, especially after having two kids together finding out their heart isn't in it anymore is devastating. Survive, heal and find another someone if that's what you desire in the future. You might be trampled right now but be a fighter! Your kids need you to be strong take special considerations to their frame of mind and needs right now. They're at a very impactful age mentally and I urge you focus on them. Reading a book on the subject might help if you find the right author.
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  3. Larloch

    Larloch Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that bro
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  4. Ahirman

    Ahirman Well-Known Member
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    I really hate that @Labeler

    I've been through it and I understand exactly how you feel. I was like a zombie. I didn't want to be around family or friends, I think that was the lowest I've been in my life so far. I went to work and came home and drank most days. I tried seeing other people and met some amazing women but none of them were her and I was deeply depressed and nothing seemed to fill the void. I can tell you that if you can be strong, it does get better. People always say things happen for a reason, but I think that's BS. I've come to learn that people are selfish. Try to find something healthy and non-habit forming that will keep your mind off her. Don't sit around and think about it all the time. Force yourself to go out and do things. Do fun things with your kids and spend time with family and friends.

    You will get though it and you'll be a stronger person when you come out the other side.
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  5. shad

    shad Well-Known Member
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    :(
    Good luck my friend
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2016
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  6. NerK

    NerK Well-Known Member
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    Do as you said!

    Day by Day, week by week.. things will get better..

    Focus on being the best father you can be - you're kids will love you for it..

    Life is full of ups and downs.. enjoy the ride of it..

    If you ever need a good hunt you get your mind off things feel free to msg me!

    NerK.
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  7. newme

    newme Well-Known Member

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    Life is rough, I've been through some awful times and some absolutely amazing times, and everything in between.

    I will add, take it not just day by day, but hour by hour. Yes, there will be some good times and amazing times in your future, if you allow it. For now, be strong, don't let the depression control you, control it, and look forward to the days when things will begin to feel less terrible.
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  8. The Watch

    The Watch Well-Known Member
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    Praying for you, man. I have had some friends go through similar stuff recently. Hope things turn around for you....
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  9. Labeler

    Labeler Member

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    thank you for all these kind messages. they warm my heart knowing im not alone in this world.
    today: i filled it as much as possible. bank, notarious for legal paperworks, doctor, psychologe for assistance. i ve done it all, i have no idea what to do tomorrow.
    i used to enjoy free time for me, it felt like epiphany to escape the routines ect. now i just get lost doing nothing anymore and the silences feels like tortures.
  10. Orange

    Orange Active Member

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    Go to the gym everyday
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  11. Pirul

    Pirul Well-Known Member

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    I know EXACTLY what you're going through. As others suggested, try to stay busy. Find stuff to do. Get to know your city better. Try to do stuff with your kids as much as possible. Excercise is a GREAT outlet for anger/fear/frustration. And remember there's always people who love you. And your kids are counting on you. Get over the bad times for them.
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  12. BlackEye

    BlackEye Well-Known Member
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    I can't formulate it as rich as I want , so I have to use simple english. Sorry.

    My advice is analyze what went on and try to find out the failures that have been made. Then, after a short intense thinking and maybe writing them down, stop mourning the past. Try to look at your list, improve and gain from the potential mistakes, enhance your RL and focus on the future. Don't think too much about the past, but don't skip searching for done mistakes and passed chances.

    But try to find out what changed between you and her. Did you or she change? In case you did change, is it a change you accept and stand behind or something you regret? Many more questions to think about. But don't forget, at one point, when you answered most of them, look into your future prospective.

    Once you keep living too long in the past, it can drive you mad and you can develop bad habbits (e.g. drinking to forget, because you don't let it go the natural way).

    Good luck.
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  13. Pirul

    Pirul Well-Known Member

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    Adding to what @BlackEye said, remember you live in the "now". There is nothing you can do to change the past. Learn from it, but don't dwell on it. You have to take care of the "now". Today. If you take care of today the best way you can, then the tomorrow will be ok, and the yesterdays will be memories to make you proud.
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  14. shad

    shad Well-Known Member
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    Agree
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  15. Labeler

    Labeler Member

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    hi, its been 1 week of dwelling in memories that are only photographed for our selves. the love we had hurt us but it will mend us someday. these are the only things we take when we die.

    i received messages from a numerous players. it warms the heart to hear that there is still good things left out there. even coming from unexpected angles in life.

    i had a whole week to retake memories, put them in order & give them a special place in my life. i plan to carve these on my body for life (tattoo). i hope i will find my own philosophy, i'm not a big thinker but i have a big heart and it will be sufficient for my 2 kids and the little future we will have the 3 of us.

    im trying as hard as i can to be peaceful in my mind, but the sadness still gets me crying. especially when im alone.

    until my next update/post, peace & love to you all.
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  16. NerK

    NerK Well-Known Member
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    You mean the big future you will have with your kids!

    They are only kids.. They have their whole life a head of them.. And many memories to make!

    Look forward to all the things to come! You will have many great future memories.. They are just waiting for you to create them.
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  17. Labeler

    Labeler Member

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    hi all,
    begin of december will be the breaking up for good point in time. my Ex wife to be, will probably move out, start having the kids for herself for 1 week. after that my week and so on and so on.

    i dont know what i ll do or end up doing the 1st days of being alone. i fear i will break down once more big time.
    I hope i can find relief in day to day things and get stronger with every move i make.

    i guess time will mend the wounds and putting back together all the pieces of a puzzle. even if scars will remain for life

    i feel a total wrack and i cant get past that feeling. im so alone, even when the kids are around.
  18. Ahirman

    Ahirman Well-Known Member
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    You have to stay strong man! Find something to keep your mind busy.
    Play UO, watch some Netflix, join a gym and work out or start running.

    You can't just sit around thinking about it or you'll go crazy.
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  19. NerK

    NerK Well-Known Member
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    we could have a UO event on your first night to keep you around company!
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  20. Jimbowick

    Jimbowick Member
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    I suffer pretty severe bipolar depression, and I can attest that in the moments of absolute darkness, only the positive habits can draw you out of that abyss.

    This process of writing down your feelings, what you're going through and sharing it with us is so important - and most importantly, so brave. You clearly have the heart of a champion. Your kids are very lucky to have a Dad who loves them like that.
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