There he was in a dark, damp cave. He felt enclosed like the walls around him were closing in around him as if moving by some spell. His horse, aptly named “horsey,” gave him a tussle when moving forward inch by inch. A small ball of sweat formed on his temple. He looked down at his arms, there were sweat droplets forming through the layers of hair. Lord Sean, a hairy beast of a man, had arrived in the cave they call “Ice.” His friends nicknamed him Grizzly Adams; on account of the fierce amounts of hair that engulfs his body. His feet were as large and as hairy as hobbit’s feet. He came to the Ice cave to make monies for his lonely wife. See, his wife lived in a far off land of Delucia. In order for her to join him, he had to make enough money for her travel expenses and a larger home for the two of them. He did not have to worry about Official Britannia Visa because they were married. Still, he was marred by a wrought economy. He brought his lovely drum kits with him. He was a grand master of jamming on his drums. So masterful was he, that anytime he played his drums in front of the most fowl of beasts, they would become full of rage and attack one another. When they killed each other off, they carried packs of gold coin on them; which would be more than enough to accomplish the dream of bringing his wife home to him. Lord Sean always carried a lucky kitty cat with him. It seems strange to most, but he loves cats. He understands that cats live a symbiotic life. They are attached to Lord Sean like Chipotle and diarrhea. His kitty needs pets to survive. It feeds off the magical force that his hand beckons when it brushes upon the soft, sexy fur on the little kit-kit. “Mrow,” said the cat. Lord Sean, replied, “Aw…come here kitty, I know you need pets…nope, never mind I have to kill ogres for money.” The cat whimpered. And in that instant, out of thin air murderous wizards, one named the demonic sounding “Soul Harvester,” appeared on their death horses read to kill. Lord Sean tried to run, but he could not, he was frozen with fright. He tried to recall home, but the magic of the murderers could not be undone. Lord Sean was no more. A pile of bones and blood on the surface of the cold ice cavern was all that remained. His horse began running around wildly fighting everything in sight out of sight. Then, something happened, Lord Sean did not expect. He appeared as a ghost. He tried to speak to people but it did not come out as words, only incoherent bellows. He tried to touch his murderers by he walked right through them. He searched everywhere for secret ghost regs he heard rumors about, but could not find them. With their fairy-like attitude and magical prowess, the super nice murderers saved Lord Sean’s horse. They used their masterful knowledge of dark magic to resurrect Lord Sean to the plane of the living. As super nice, sweet, and kind murderers as they were, they took nothing from Lord Sean. They left his money, his magic reagents, and his drum kit. They even left poor kit-kit who went thirty excruciating seconds without any pets. They said in an endearing voice, "Don't worry Sean! We are here to help! You love me! I love you! Let us all be super best friends! Yay!!!!" Lord Sean thought to himself, “These murderers are not murderers. There has been a mistake. They should not be colored in red. They are saviors! They saved me from beastly arctic ogres! They saved my horse and all my money. They are the most awesomerest, most nicerest, most kinderest, and most genuine PK’s around. I have decided, they are not PKs. They are kind folk! They love their neighbors, and do good deeds like killing thieves and bad people. I have heard such great stories about how nice they are and now…I have seen it with my own eyes! How nice they are! They remind me of cute little fairy princesses in the tales of old. When people ask me if they should fear them, I shall tell them no! They will not take anything from you! They will stop you for thirty seconds and help you out!” Lord Sean watched them vanish in plain sight and he smiled and silently thanked the gods for sending their kindness to him. He knew, they were the real True Britannians. He knew they had a guild, but he decided to name them “The Gentle Cuties.” So it was, and Lord Sean stayed and collected more money in the cavern, empowered by his easy confrontation with the Gentle Cuties, the nicest PKs ever. When he returned home he realized he had enough money to bring his wife home and all his dreams would come true. He could cuddle with kit-kit while massaging his wife’s footsies. He loved feetie footers. He loved yummy foot lettuce. The only problem remaining he needed to resolve was what to do with his young concubine he had not told his wife about yet. She was a devilish young thing that passed gas as smelly as someone with Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn’s Disease…..but that is another story. Lord Sean curled up on his bearskin rug and fell asleep near his fireplace……
Ladies and gentlemen....let me introduce... Soul Harvester and his TT teletubbies, the cutest most nicest PKs ever. The Ned Flanders of PKs I love you!! Cutie pie!! Uh, Amph, I don't mean to be a nervous pervis but here comes the PKs of TT!! Oh, don't worry, they're cute-arino!!
